Hot gossips and mistakes

    You know when sometimes, you look at something as an outsider and it looks perfect.. but when you come closer, its all just a huge mess? Ever since the beginning, my class was viewed at that perfect class... they looked like a family. I never fit in because i just moved here... but when i did fit in, i realized how full of crap it all was... I wasn't the popular girl yet i dreamed to be, and when i was... i saw the lies!

     A huge "family" that backstabs one another. I went out with a few girls and they told me every  bit. A year ago, 4 girls were closer than ever. one of them started dating a guy from that class and so another of those 4 girls complained and it got quite... well... dramatic. 2 girls were left to choose sides, and they chose the one who was dating.

   A year later everything was supposedly resolved, but it really wasn't. The three other girls always go out without her and ignore her... they were her only and bestest friends just showing her fake smiles and nodding... she was a successful woman, maybe thats why she was alone.. no one likes to hang out with someone who reminds them they are shit people.

 
    Another part of the class is formed by 4 other girls. 4 disgusting girls. Those girls dont ignore one another, they backstab one another and blame the other. One of them fell in love, yet strives for drama and continuously cheats on him. Her girls must support her yet one by one come to me to tell me how big of a pig she is... giving her a horrible reputation and then blaming the guy for blabbing...


   Another group is of guys, perverted children who can never be spoken to. Some guys are amazing to hang out with, they treat you as a sister and you could hug them without worrying that theyd be aroused by your boobs touching them like you did when you were 13. Those "men" are now 18, and you cannot even say hello without a sexual remark. We have the one whos obsessed with gym and his body, one who fucks every girl in school and throws her away, one who begs for fitting in and would jump off a high cliff for the guys... which in fact he did, one whos pride cannot be swallowed as he thinks hes god because he can get any girl... he makes them believe theyre the only ones in his life then fucks her sister as well, one whos simply too violent and just always comes down and beats a girl up then blames her and walks away.... well you get the picture.. theyre unbearable.


     Our group is the last group, no one backstabs nor hurts. Were the real family. and yet when we looked from afar it seemed they were perfect. Looks can be so deceiving!

     I went back home and my best friend texted me, he hasnt spoken to me in a while because he started dating a girl whos jealous of me... cant blame her i am who i am. I just got out of the most amazing relationship , and im still in love with my ex. We facetime for a while, until he starts showing me his bulge on his pants... it got sexual and i tried to resist... he always called me special, but for once i felt i wasnt. My best friend was a player and a fuckboy, and he added me to the list of girls he sexted... I stopped him before anything crossed lines and turned my phone off.. it took him a while to realize what hed done and apologize... but even when nothing happened and im single... i felt i cheated on my ex... i woke up and he was my first thought, like my everyday of every waking second.

x Kisses. LG x

Where it all began..

I was only fifteen when i met him.. he was 17. I was dating my first love from when i was in middle school when i first saw him. It wasnt true love at first sight, but it was true love and a chosen path to a chosen destiny. I moved into a new neighbourhood and so i also changed school busses, and there he was: The muscular boy with glasses and huge beautifull eyes. i was in my PE shorts and already wishing id had at least changed first.. 

I sat on the jump seat right in front of him and he looked at me so deeply at first.. i remembered his very first words "wow, your eyes are literally so red! the color of your eyes! its red!" I guess hes never sees a pair of dark brown- black eyes before. I had no intentions although my middle school bf back then and i havent spoken in months. 

So this guy, he used to get a chocolate bar everyday to the bus.. and knowing he was a senior and graduating i thought bugging him now wont hurt me..he wont remember me right? I would batter my eyes at him and say "aww for me?! youre so sweet you shouldnt have!" the chocolate bar would be halfway into his mouth.. hed stop and give it to me hesitently thinking i might just be polite and reject... A woman needs her chocolate ladies. 

It was like that everyday... it was later that i learned he too was dating. One day, he took me to class and leaned in for a kiss.. i laughed and pushed him off.. we acted as a couple but only as a joke to amuse some people. i was falling for him. it was still a game for him.. his amuse was my muse. i had to, sorry.

Anyways, he asked me out everyday and i said no, then one day when he leaned in to kiss me on cold october... i whispered "i must hold back" he held me and said "stop. dont" and just like that, i gave up. i remember that kiss everyday now for two years. the beginning of the best story i know. 

He asked me out for the 8th time, no exageration, and i finally said maybe. he took it as a yes of course! we were off to a mall, but my parents were too strict so we needed my brother to sneak me out. On the day of our first date, my brother bailed on us.. and we had our first fight. 

The exact next day, my parents left home so i invited him over.. he came down running with condoms in a pharmacy bag.. we make fun of it till this day. Nothing happened, we talked for 7 hours straight.. i gained a best friend that day.. he was my only best friend..

Everyday we would wait eagerly to see one another on the bus, and every friday and saturday night, wed spend it laughing and making out on his rooftop. We both fell in love. 

One day, he came over and my brother was home.. i sneaked him into my bathroom and he made fun of me for hours... But then it got serious.. It wasnt a normal day. my parents came home early and he and i were stuck in the bathroom. from where i come from, it is tabu to ever be with a guy like that. or any other way. ever. like, ever. 

They knocked on my door and i tried to keep my cool as i was dying on the inside.. he was laughing at me. when they went to sleep, i took him to my bedrooms balcony and told him to wait there. an hour later i asked if hed like to lay next to me.. "are you sure this is a good idea" he said "no" i answered. also a phrase ill never forget. he kissed me so gently. it was the first time a guy sleeps next to me. we cuddled and it felt nice. An in love couple in bed. my heart was racing and his breath was heavy... He looked me in the eye and told me "I love you". We made love that night. it was the first time. My love for him was undescribable. 

We faught everyday, but our love grew more and more with each second. We were crazy for the other! Every saturday night turned to everyday and every night. we couldnt sleep apart anymore. Everyday we spent it under the stars making love, him pushing me on his swing as he read to me his essays, ordering KFC at 3 AM and laying in bed while cuddling and watching lord of the rings, playing chess, making more love, laughing and talking about our future. I went from having no one to talk to, to having a lover, a best friend, and an entire world consisted of one person. If only , i wished everyday, he saw himself with my eyes.

In school, no teacher could pull us apart although its school rules to do so. People would take one look at us and say "those two are ending up together." When the principal called us down because we were caught making out in the bus, the driver fought with all he had... knowing he might lose money . why? "they love each other." 

I remember exactly what hed look like when sprinting down to my classroom to pick me up for break time. Id tell him my gossips and hed brush my hair... okay hed attempt to brush  my hair.. but he was just .. it was all amazing.

One night, while walking back home from his house and listening to music as we sang in the empty streets at 5am, he couldnt leave. He is supposed to put me home before my parents wake up. before we get caught. he kept kissing me and telling me he loved me.. id try and hush him up and giggle.. until he finally left.but i didnt know, my mom was up and she saw everything. 

To be continued..

x Kisses. LG x

Highschool senior year? More like welcome to hell.

As i sat here, having reached my lowest point of tolerance, i decided to start blogging.. i dont know maybe itll help me figure out how to survive this senior year of hell. Lowest point of tolerance is not having a salon appointmenet canceled on the most important day, although is tragic, and it most certainly is not failing a pop quiz or a fight with a friend. Its having the love of your life travel forever in two months and think youre pregnant and have finals and have bad blood with your parents concerning university and being a shame to them apparently and getting dumped (reminding you i might be pregnant from this guy) only to call him to win him back.... but a flat on bitch answers and calls him baby right there for you to witness. 

Being pregnant alone is a dagger in the stomach... do i have to elaborate further? My boyfriend isnt a bad guy, he just never knows what he wants. i wasnt always this lost.. there was a time when i knew who i was, i knew where id be. But now? I mean a drug taking, drunk, bad girl could descibe me if you hadnt known me from down within..  I was one in a million.. a poet and a life changer... who am i now? I hope i find out through this and through all my readers.

x Kisses. LG x